Lead Me Lord

Well I know this may sound really bad, but I have been striving and striving to seek the Lord in everything, but it just doesnt seem to work out. I wanna make it Him #1, and let nothing else come before. But no matter how hard I try everything else seems more fun, more entertaining, more worth while. But as of lately, I feel like my whole world has crashed down around me, I've lost many dear friends I can't seem to get it in my head that they are truly not there anymore. I've had some hard struggles with my parents and the way I have been acting lately. And I've had some long talks with "friends" about it, but I just dont see how to move past it. I can't keep my mind focused on the past, but I don't see any point looking towards the future when I can't even really narrow it down as to what I wanna do or who I wanna be. I always looked to my friends for that. So I've convinced myself to turn to the Scriptures, but the more I do, the more "strong" spiritual leaders seem to turn me away. I know I'm not perfect, I know I never will be, but I feel that the more people I try to look to for help in understanding it, the more I feel I get judged, and I in turn push it away. I know giving up is definitely not the way I wanna react, but I really don't know where to turn in order to really understand it. I've listened to teacher after teacher explain the Bible to me as I've grown up, but I've never really tried to look at it seriously and find out what I believe and how I need to change my life in order to bring its truths into my life. I wouldn't even be giving God anymore chances at all if it weren't for the most influential person in my life, my big sis. I love her to death!!!!!!!!!! and I wanna strive more and more to love Christ, I just really don't know how. I hope that I'm not the only one that faces these things, cuz I feel like the biggest fool right now. But this is how I really feel. And Lord, please help me to understand your Word a whole lot better and help me know how to put it to action in my life.